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Rae
16 February 2009 @ 06:04 pm
Soooo...it's been a minute. It's amazing how busy one becomes when most things on one's pressing "To Do" list get crossed over rather quickly.

My To Do list loomed large at the beginning of January. At New Years, I was still fraught with panic that my dream to move to our nation's capital and find a job while exploring possibilities for my Masters degree would never come off.

Now, with Valentine's Day behind me, I can only say..."Where the hell has time gone??"


Haha, no really, I cannot believe that everything has happened so quickly. Moving, finding a job, working on getting settled, touching base and reconnecting with all my friends in DC and the DC-area plus making new friends...it's been a busy time.

To be honest, work takes up a great deal of my time. There is a lot happening, and there is not enough time to even get into it right now. However, a long weekend certainly does help give one time to sit back, reflect, relax a little and take care of odds and ends one has wanted to get to. (That did not include house cleaning, sadly... I begin to wonder if the common areas of this house will ever be truly organized.)

Of certain recent events, though, it's worth taking some time to note:
1) Work progresses on. It has been a busy battle with HR to get my paperwork through, and in order to get a paycheck sooner than later they decided that the best route was to hire me on Temp for this pay period and then put my position up today or tomorrow, having me permanently hired hopefully by the end of this week or next. This will delay my benefits for a while, but I need to pay rent more than I need to worry about my retirement, so I'm ok with that.

2) I have discovered several areas in DC which I want to take further time to explore. I went to the Botanical Gardens last weekend (when the weather was decidedly nicer) and am looking forward to more outings in nature once the weather warms up in truth. On my list include certain neighborhoods such as Georgetown, Chinatown, more of Adams Morgan/Columbia Heights, and continued wandering around Friendship Heights (though, as my friend Alexia lives up there, I have already seen quite a bit of that neighborhood right around the metro).

3) I received a Facebook friend request from "House" right before V-day. I was especially infuriated by the tag line that came with it, which impertinently asked "Wanna be friends again?" As there was no hint of apology or maturity in the message, I spent time fuming and talking to my girl friends to be reassured that yes, I had every right to be upset and no, I shouldn't accept the request and yes, he is an asshole and no, there's no point telling him so because it'll just wash over him. (It's amazing how sometimes you just need your girl friends to tell you what you already know... perhaps because I tend to over-think matters, and having multiple voices of reason makes it easier to know what makes the most sense. So thanks to Ashley, Shorty and Jen.) The irony is, last year this time we weren't speaking and he texted me to apologize. You'd think he'd have -learned- something in a year, but apparently not. Anyways, he befriended his ex at the same time so I assume he fell into a wave of nostalgia that has since cleared now that the sentimental holiday has passed.

4) I went out with some of my model cousin's DC friends Saturday night. (I think I will always call her my "model cousin", though someday I'm going to have to refer to her current career...if she ever gets around to picking one for good and all.) They were nice guys, in their 30s. They showed Ash and I around their favorite bars/clubs in DC, and I enjoyed myself. They know -everyone-...club owners, doormen, half the attendees in all locales, etc. It was cool to see the places from the perspective of people who are "in the know". I think my favorite stop of the night was Josephine's.

5) I am currently working on a Global Studies associate's degree project for our community college initiative. I spent some time today doing some research. I found out that U of M is starting a living community with this as its focus. It will be housed in my old dorm. Sometimes I wonder if being a student now wouldn't be better than having been one 5 years ago. Then I remember how tough it is to get a loan right now, and I reconsider.

6) Plans for the week: Beyond work, I need to reconnect with Tracey, who I haven't seen in a week or two now. There is house cleaning and organizing to be done. I need to also hang with Alexia, though I get the feeling there was some plan set up for ... this coming Saturday, was it? So many things, so little time, haha! Also on my agenda is to meet-up with some of the local groups related to my interests: the Cuban group, the DC Latino professionals group, etc. You have to love how much is always going on here in DC.


Anyways, I must go cook so I have food to last me a week in lunches. I am trying to take lunch with me more often so that I end up spending less in cafeteria bills. Mind you, we have a pretty decent cafeteria, and anything they can't offer one can get at the Giant right down the street, by my work place's metro stop. I am seriously considering buying a thing of milk and a box of cereal so that I can have regular breakfasts on the job. (Hard work brings up an appetite, that's for sure!)


One other note, then I'm gone: I recently watched Wives and Daughters on Netflix. (I love their Instant Watch set-up.) For anyone who likes period pieces such as Pride and Prejudice or Mansfield Park, it's a good BBC series, worth watching. Yeah, I'm a sucker for English period pieces. Sometimes I wonder how I didn't end up being born white in the late 19th century...and then I realize that I'd never have been biddable enough for the time period and probably would have been outcast as an improper wench. Ah, me.)
 
 
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Rae
07 January 2009 @ 12:43 pm
Heh  
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Rae
26 May 2008 @ 02:40 pm
This is someone else's PostSecret, but I relate enough to put it here.

 
 
Rae
14 May 2008 @ 04:03 pm
There came a whispered terror on the breeze
And the dark forest shook
And on the trembling trees came nameless fear
And panic overtook each flying creature of the wild
And when they all had fled
Yet stood the trees
Around whose heads screaming
The night-birds wheeled and shot away
Finding release from that
Which drove them onward like their prey
The storm-clouds broke
And drowned the dying moon
The storm clouds broke, the storm clouds broke
Finding release


- Storm Cloud Cantata by Arthur Benjamin
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Rae
09 May 2008 @ 01:15 am
I had a dream about Vec last night, and he's been stuck in the back of my head all day. I have not thought about him in months. Maybe he's responsible for the fact that I called half a dozen friends this afternoon after work, talking to some and leaving messages for others. Usually when I take flights of fancy back to the past, I go further back than four years ago. But here I am, in Ann Arbor still, and some things still remind me of him.

I was thinking about it as I walked to work this morning, the dream still fresh in my mind. I don't remember it anymore, and I'm not sure I truly remembered it this morning after waking up at 8:15am. All I know is that a feeling... something that I only feel when I think of Vec, had settled on me. It's not a bad feeling because most of my memories are of the good times (there were probably more bad times than good, but that doesn't matter much anymore...things like that never do after so much time has passed). I have to walk past the PowerCenter, and it -always- reminds me of a rainy day in October four years ago when Vec took pictures in the glass. I may still have one of the ones he took.

I was lying on my couch, staring at the gray clouds and trying to keep the cat from crawling in my face, when it occurred to me (not for the first time) that I have no pictures of Vec and I. Well, not quite true. There is one horrible picture of us that I would never show anyone (taken one day when we were both looking particularly homely and when I just happened to be struck at the notion that we should take a picture). He has far too many of me (probably mostly bad, and no doubt he's lost them all). The pictures I have of him do not do him much justice...many were stolen from pictures other people had taken of him or ones he'd done himself. There is only one I like, which he gave me Sophomore year...in a hat, with his blue eyes staring sidelong at the camera lens.

I think of him with a smile. He was so very enigmatic to everyone else...to me, as well. But somehow I felt that his crazy, unpredictable spirit worked with my preoccupied, often overly-concerned soul.

I thought today how much I'd like to see him again, just to say "Vec!" and hug him. I'd like to tell him sorry for all the silly things I did Freshman year, but it's really not necessary. If he remembers those times at all, I'm sure he thinks we were stupid little children without any real knowledge of the world. No doubt he's progressed to far higher planes in far different directions from my own life's path. I think often (when I think of him) of something he said Freshman year, about how he wished we had met 5 years later in life...and how perhaps we will someday at some random coffee shop.

I guess what I want to say is that he was a companion. I haven't found anyone who makes me feel quite like that since. I am quite sure someone will come along that will be a better companion in the future (and I must not discount my good friends such as Jeff R and Dan), but no one has ever played that role in my life since Vec. Perhaps no one ever will. Perhaps he will always be the sunset of a memory that makes me smile in my soul while, in outer appearances, continuing on in daily life without a thought for the past.

Perhaps what I really want to say is "Thank you". But I think he knew that.
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Rae
26 April 2008 @ 07:20 pm
I graduated today. 4 years of college = done! I'm an alumna! Go me!!! :)
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Rae
14 April 2008 @ 04:50 pm
I woke up feeling a lot like this this morning, and it makes me laugh to read it in comic form. Yay for Sinfest. I feel better already.




I could also be feeling better because:
A) I had the benefit of Jen's words of wisdom in relationship to guys and the way they are
B) I got through a presentation I hadn't prepared for at all
C) I turned in my last Stats homework for the semester
D) I'm going to have dinner with Mandi and Trey
 
 
Rae
28 March 2008 @ 11:28 am
I've been having a lot of bad dreams lately. It wouldn't be so bad if I couldn't remember them vividly upon waking up, and then find myself haunted by them throughout the day...
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Rae
19 March 2008 @ 04:56 pm
I think I hate more than anything getting blindsided. In this extremely unfair world, I think it's just the mold on top of the bowl of brussel sprouts that someone can't just TELL people shit.

Really, I try to be open and honest with my friends. I let them know what I'm thinking and though most of them don't know everything that I'm thinking and feeling, they at least know that I care, know that they matter to me, and they know something about me, too. My friends know I have feelings, that I am an understanding person who tries to show that I care. My FRIENDS get it. My so-called friends (and it is amazing that the norm is for people fall from "person I liked" to "person who was my friend" not "person who is my friend" to "person who was my friend") don't seem to get this.

Those who know anything about me know I am rather independent. When I take time to actually express -needing- someone, it means they matter to me more than most people and that I really value them in my life.

What hurts me is when THOSE people decide to be the ones that not only do not care about me nor my feelings, but make it a point to not even acknowledge that there are things I should probably know that would spare me a lot of anguish.

So let me make it simple, please. For any of you who are masquerading as my friend, it works like this.
A) If we're just friends, as long as I know you support me, enjoy my company, and we make an effort to keep in contact then it doesn't matter how long between when we see each other or talk or even that we might grow apart naturally...we'll remain friends.
B) If I LIKE you, and I actually TELL you that I like you (a rarity, soon to be rarer still because I'm tired of getting bit in the ass), you SHOULD make the effort not to be a douchebag. No, really. How hard IS it to say, "Hey, I'm in love with someone else?" if that's the case?? Why say shit like "I like you, too?" No, no, sooo unnecessary! I don't need lies and deceit. Do I give you lies?! Do I feed you bullshit?! NO! Because that is not the sort of person that I am.
Months and months and months ago, you could have said this. But then again, you didn't believe back then that I liked you...because you are an idiot who didn't ask.

*Rolls her eyes* You're right. You weren't worth my time. God, how many of your type am I going to run into?! If you all just came with signs: "I am unworthy"...it'd be so helpful.

Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am hurt. Will it last long? Nope. Because I've spent far too much time being angry at you for your failings... I can forgive many things (and I said "forgive", not "forget"), but I am very very good at letting somebody go that I no longer feel is worth having around... it takes a lot to convince me of the point but that's because I happen to see the good in people and their potential... God, guess that's what I need to work on, isn't it? Maybe I should just see everyone's flaws first and give no second chances?

Fuck it. You don't seem to care how I feel or would feel at all. If you can't be the slightest bit thoughtful, then I see no reason to continue being thoughtful of you or mindful of your feelings.


So anyone else feel the need to bring up something that you know will make me realize we should not be friends? Bring it on...let's get it all out in the open, because I'm over it already before you even tell me.


Meanwhile, I'm going on my own way like I've always done. My close friends ask, "But WHY do you want to leave MI?" What the hell is there to stay around here for? I've spent enough time in this little college town. I've spent enough time in this state. I've spent enough time around the people who live here, some who are wonderful and some who are from the bottom of the barrel.

I NEED to get out. Going to Spain was the best decision I could have ever made, and it just makes me want to get out of here all the moreso. I KNOW what I want, and I KNOW where I'm trying to go. I KNOW who I am, what I want to do with my life, where I excel and where I fall short. I am trying to learn to promulgate the former while fixing the latter. I'm imperfect but damnit I am worthwhile and nobody's shit is going to make me feel bad about myself because I KNOW I'm better than the way they've treated me. I am worth so much more, and I suppose it's only the continued slaps upside the head that prove the point. Well, message received. I keep thinking I'll learn these things quicker, but I suppose I am. You have to see the dark side of human nature before you can really function in this world.

By the time I get where I'm going and meet whoever I'm supposed to meet, I'll be so much further ahead than so many I know. So whatever, School of Hard Knocks (Heart Div.). I'm going to graduate from you, too, and come out a better person on the other side. I won't thank you for the pain, but I'll thank you for the lessons.

So, off I go to continue life planning. Job apps, homework, graduation, etc. I'm gone.
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Rae
04 March 2008 @ 05:03 pm
- My supervisor just told me to work more hours (and she's the one that checks over my hours :P) 'cause she likes how great and wonderful I am at reorganizing the office. *Chuckles*

- Jen and I = bar time and girl time on Thurs. night. We have lots to talk about, haha!

- Ohio and Texas primaries tonight! As Ashley says, it's like sports! I suspect that I will get home (after attending choir here in 5 mins) to find her already staked out in front of the TV. Bust out those popcorn bowls! :P

- Two jobs applied for; have been looking, but finding more in the "administrative assistant" realm than the "research assistant" realm. Definitely don't want to be stuck doing mere office stuff forever, and I'd love to get a job related to my career goals. (Am leaning more and more towards Public Policy, esp. Educational Policy. What better way to include everything I've ever been interested in, especially if I specialize in Educational Policy as related to identity in racial/ethnic situations? Loooove it.)

- Still in a great mood. It's amazing how a couple of good days/evenings can do that to ya. :)

- Nearly 50 degrees yesterday and today back in the 20s. Laaaame.

Alright, off to choir. Toodles!

"Jump back, I'm pretty hot! Don't make me have to singe nobody to prove no point!"
You get points for knowing where the quote comes from. ;)
 
 
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